Okay...it's January...

It is in fact January. I promised myself that I would put all of the bad habits I picked up at the end of 2008 behind me and start fresh again...and I almost didn't. After a half hour wrestling match I determined no matter how painful starting to walk again was, it wouldn't be nearly as bad as the three round tag team match against me...that's right...Father Son and the Spirit all had me in a head lock and full body slam. Alright...you win.

So it was dark and rainy and lonely out there...just like I like it. I set off this morning wondering how my feet were going to hold up, worried my legs would go out on me, my back was aching and so maybe I can cut it short. You know, looking for anything I could do to make the walk as self focused as possible, and yet still get credit for being obedient (well I guess I did loose the wrestling match). It is amazing how self absorbed and self focused we can be. I mean it was a glorious new day, warm (that's a big change) and barely raining...why did I not notice it? I was so smug for being obedient that I couldn't even enjoy the walk. It reminded me of Pastor Jerry's message on Sunday.

He talked about the three people who received talents. The one who got one buried his and didn't invest it in anything. God rebuked him for his lack of courage to do anything with it. Anyway, Jerry said those people that are represented people who are ONLY impacted by God, as opposed to someone who has been impacted but are impacting others as well. It was really good....I hadn't ever thought of it like that.

So it was with me this morning...I was that guy. I was the guy who was only worried about getting credit for how much I was sacrificing, how obedient I was being, how down right godly I was, I failed to see the morning. I was so focused on my feet and my legs and my back I failed to see the glory of God all around me. I had won the battle but lost the war. What a loser...how spiritual am I?

About three quarters of the way around my loop, a song came on my playlist by The Frames (a band I discovered in Dublin Ireland). The song was called "True". It was probably written for a woman...but hey God speaks to people through Donkeys...surely he could use a song to speak to me. Needless to say, the score stands...Bill zero...Trinity two...so far today.

Here it is.

True by Glen Hansard and The Frames

I find it so hard to be true
And all these lies I'm telling you
Are little anchors in my chest
That pull us down into this mess
I find it easy to distract
And just as soon as you turn your back
I'll be gone again

I find it so hard to be true
And all the secrets I keep from you
Are like a blackness in my heart
That only tears us both apart
I find it easy to pretend
That we're not heading for our end
That's why I'm telling you

I built a wall
I cut you off
Now there's no lie
That's gonna fix this up
I played the saint
The saint I aint
Now all the hurt
Is here again.... here again

I find it so hard to be true
But I'm gonna try my best for you
And every distance that we've known
Will disappear before too long
And every line we've ever drawn
Will be erased before we're gone
This I swear to you

I built a wall
I cut you off
No there's no lie
That's gonna fix this hurt
I played the saint
I cursed your name
Now there's no one
But myself to blame

That you're gone
wait...
wait