A Short Sunday Walk

Sundays are not a day of rest for me. Oh I still have to get up at the same time, but I am busy trying to make my hair look fuller, my butt smaller, and my belly I mitigate with vertical stripes. And I do it all so I can look like I am "real" at church...you know just a laid back casual sort of guy. It is a lot of work being casual, trust me.

So today was kind of special cause it was the first time I was at our church in ten weeks. Thats a long time to be away. So I was nervous and excited all at the same time. You know, you kind of want people to notice your back and tell you they missed you...but fearful they will say "oh, you were gone?" That sucks. But I was genuinely excited to see many people I love and really like to hang with. 

So I got ready to go, and for the first time in weeks I slid on my big boy shoes (they actually make your feet look slimmer). My feet have been in Croc flip flops for ten weeks. The confinement of big boy shoes was almost unbearable. But for a pastor it would have been undignified and somehow unholy to wear flips on a Sunday morning. So, big boys it was.

But on the way to the garage to fire up the Bug and drive the short distance to church, I felt that little tap on the shoulder...I know that tap...it's like a dog who thinks they are going for a walk...it is a tap that you can't ignore. Sure enough, it was God. He was all wiggly and jumpy trying to get me to walk with him to church.

"What, in my big boy shoes?" I says to him. 

"It'll help you break them in" he says to me.

 "Or break me" I says under my breath so he can't hear me. "Come on, it's just a short walk." 

Of course I went with him. He gets so excited to get outside and show off all he has created. "It's a little cold out here" I says to him. 

"Yeah, see how I'm changing the seasons. I like to sneak it in on people by making it cold in the early morning and then warm in the afternoon. But cause you came outside with me I thought I'd give you a little preview of the changing season" he says. 

"I'd rather have a jacket" I says under my breath.

"You know I can hear all of those comments don't you?" he reminds me.

He's right you know. He's always right. He knew just what I needed. A little alone time with him made me feel so much more relaxed and less anxious. It was a beautiful morning. I got to church and there were people there who missed me, and some that didn't know I was gone. 

Life is good. 

 

Two Short Walks

It's Friday...yahoo...sort of. Fridays are my day off and so normally I have the whole day to do whatever needs to be done and then do whatever I want to do. But this Friday there is a big event at our house so I have much to do. So today I took a short walk...just about a mile or so. 

I punched in America on the iPod and thought this will be good walking music...you know those good old classics. Have you ever listened to America? I mean really listened. Their songs are so stupid...I mean really..."Muskrat Love"...what in the H E Double Hockey Sticks is that song about? Must be the stupidest song ever written. But I heard "Lonely People" and that was a little better.

Then I heard "Horse With No Name", one of my all time favorite songs. Okay the lyrics aren't all that great...but it evokes such vivid pictures in my mind...not to mention some great memories. But this morning it made me think about the short walk I made yesterday. 

Thursdays are hard days for me to get a walk in, let alone write. I get up early to meet with some of my buddies for breakfast and an opportunity to confess our vilest sins to another human being. But mostly we just talk about stuff...you know politics, marriage, kids, jobs...you know stuff. When women are not present, we actually talk and actually emote feelings...but hey thats another story.

So in the evening yesterday Tracey and I head for Portland, get some dinner, and park our car near the hospital. We take a short walk into the hospital and find the room of a good friend of mine who is having to be in said hospital. Let's just call him Bob....cause....thats his name. Bob is one of the toughest guys I know. He is a cowboy...like a for real from Texas kind of cowboy. I don't mean a John Travolta kind of cowboy, I mean a cowboy. He was a horse shoer for a long time and now he works in the steel mill...he is tough. So having to see Bob in a hospital is like going to one of those cheesy circuses and finding a proud lion caged up in a tiny little cage. 

But we keep walking until we get to his room. Apparently they just brought him back from surgery so they were trying to get him all settled back in his room. So I expect to see this guy all groggy and goofy looking and all. No way...he looks like he just came back from a massage. He has just had his chest cut open to put some stints in and a battery jumper to keep his heart regulated, and yet he looks better than I did. He is a tough guy. He basically had a heart attack and didn't even know it...that's tough.

So after visiting a while and getting all the scoop, I'm holding his real man hand and praying for him, and I am realizing how vulnerable all of us really are. Here is the toughest guy I know having to be poked and probed, wires hanging off of him and out of him, sitting in a hospital bed in a nightgown with no back, and having to completely surrender to the doctors so they can do what is critical to keep Bob's heart beating. How fragile and tender we are when it is our life on the line. As tough as Bob is, he crumbles like a little girl when he thinks about his new grandson, or seeing his precious daughter, his beloved wife, and even his little weenie dog (what kind of cowboy dog is that?). Life is short, and though Bob will spend eternity with God, the thought of not seeing his family grow is too much. It makes a tough guy change his ways. It makes them succumb to backless nighties and jumper cables on their hearts.

Bob's been through a desert on a horse with no name...but now he is finding an open prairie with green grass and buffalo and elk a plenty, a great rifle, a pot of cowboy coffee, and his little weenie dog riding in the saddle bag. Yehaw!!!!! Cowboy Up Bob!

Two Roads Diverged

So this morning I am up and at em and ready to head out for my walk. I was so excited to see what it was that God was going to show me so I could write about it and share my brilliant observations with you...sort of enlighten you a wee bit (see I really am a dope). So I load up with Toad The Wet Sprocket's great classic album "Coil"...you know get some of that good Santa Barbara vibe going...and head out the door.
I am no more out the door when a huge flying V of Canadian honkers come screaming over my head at mach speed making a ton of noise. I immediately said to God "is this it Lord? You want me to write about this?" I could hear him chuckle and even snort just a bit...I swear I heard Him say "chill out just a little dude...if I gave you something now, you'd just go right back inside. Walk a bit...you'll see." Doh!!! I'm such a dolt...especially cause He was right.
So I keep walking. I make the usual loop and head up the hill. The hill has become kind of a symbol for me. I now glide up it pretty effortlessly, but that wasn't always so. I used to try and find ways around it...you know so I wouldn't get too out of breath. But now, it's a cinch.
But today I get to the top and I notice that the road that continues on...past the houses...out of the bounderies of my neighborhood...it seems intriguing...I pause to contemplate...to decide whether to go out of bounds or to stay where it is familiar and safe. I notice that the low clouds that can roll in from over the Coast Range are beginning to bring with it some showers...light rain...but rain none the less. In that moment, I go left. I stay on the path that I know. Wouldn't want to get my shoes dirty...slip aroung in the mud and all. I took the one most traveled by.
So as I am walking along the edge of the wild if you will, I start to hear a little whisper...a faint little voice beckoning me to the wild places...I think about the movie "Into the Wild" and all the experiences the guy goes through...all the lessons he learns. I think about how wild my own life used to be. I think about spending a month backpacking through the back country of Yosemite by myself and all I learned about myself and about who God really is. And then I thought about my decision to go left...to play it safe. What was I really worried about? Was it the time commitment? My schedule? Getting breakfast?
I felt God tugging at my heart to break out and do something that requires great faith and trust. To not just play it safe...try something new.
And then...just as I am rounding the bend and heading towards the home stretch...there in the sky...a reminder that God has always had a plan...he has always had a promise. If you will trust me and go into the wild with me...I will be with you and protect you. There before me was a full arching rainbow spanning from the wild placed I did not go and seemingly resting on my home.
God's voice was a little bit louder when I heard Him say "dude, I am with you where it is safe, but it is way more fun out in the wild places. Which road do you want to walk on?"

A Special Day

This morning it was a little harder to get up. It is the struggle that most people face when they are trying to do anything on a consistent basis. But when Tracey got up before me and headed to the showers....well now the whole world was out of order. She left me no choice but to drag myself out of bed and hit the road. 

This morning I was listening to The Ventures. That's right. The Ventures were a Pacific Northwest band that helped create the soundtrack for my early life. There music was surf movies and car races, scenes from"American Grafiti" and "The Fonz." But it reminded me of my youth and the uncomplicated and simple life I had as a young boy. Listening to The Ventures was a nostalgic trip down the streets of my life.

As I walked through my present neighborhood I realized how complicated we make our lives today. I walked past rows and rows of for sale signs...Price Reduced...New Price...Must Sell...I'm Gorgeous On The Inside...all of which screamed of the desperate state peoples personal lives are in (and our country for that matter). They built these beautiful dream homes up on the hill and with the downturn in the economy, these dreams have become nightmares that they need to escape from. It's too bad really.

But then I saw the sunrise...unbelievable...so different from yesterdays...and yet it came again...just like it has for thousands of years. Despite our own personal difficulties, the sun continues to rise every morning. Even in cloudy weather the sun still rises.

And all of that got me thinking about Tracey. Today is her birthday. She is a reminder to me of the simple days of our youth. We were two impetuous kids who fell deeply in lust with one another and allowed our desire for one another to cloud our better judgement and get married. We literally lived on love in those days. Tracey was the most uncomplicated girl I had ever met. And somehow we would get through every conceivable trial in our lives and come out ahead. She helped me to have confidence as she encouraged me and pushed me to do better without ever putting me down or making me feel small. And just like the sunrise, she has been as constant and steady as God himself. Every morning she is there next to me, has been now for 32 years. 

I'm not sure about a lot of things in this world. I don't know who is best to be president, not sure who can fix the energy crisis or the housing crisis. But one thing I know for sure, God totally rocked my world for the better when I met Tracey Lee Fenstermaker that first fateful night on the tennis courts at Cal Poly SLO. She has been a great friend, a wonderful companion, a great example of God's love and consistency. She is a remarkable woman...just don't wake her up in the morning...unless the morning begins at 9.

Happy Birthday my Love.

What in the Who-Haw?

My iphone was sitting next to my bed beeping at me incessantly. I reached over and wondered what in the who haw was it ringing for. It wasn’t an early morning phone call, but an actual alarm. For ten weeks now that alarm has not rang once, but today it began ringing again (see my sabbatical journal). Without thinking I did what I usually do when it won’t go off…I got up. It has become kind of a sacred ritual to get up, find something to wear, pull my shoes on, grab my headphones and the incessant beeping machine and head off walking.

I know, a truly spiritual person would have kneeled down and prayed for an hour and meditated on the Bible. I so appreciate hearing about that from really spiritual people. It always makes me feel so good to know that they are out there doing that…and frankly making everyone else feel badly for not doing it themselves. But that’s not really how I relate to God…don’t get me wrong, I read my Bible (well mostly my online Bible) and I pray. But the times I fell really close to God are when I am listening to music and trudging up and down the hills around my neighborhood.

My friend Gary Thomas wrote a book called “Sacred Pathways” describing the many different ways one relates to God. Mine has always been in nature. I often feel so confined in my thinking about God when I’m in a building trying to worship and connect with God. But just step outside and baaboom! There He is.

This morning I was listening to “Sermon on Exposition Blvd” by Rickie Lee Jones. It’s a really great story of one person’s quest to find God in their own unique way. It has been my story all these years. Feeling as if I am never quite right, a little left of center, an odd duck if you will.

And yet, when I walk and see all that is ahead of me and all that is behind me. I stop and look off into the far horizons, catching a glimpse of Mt Hood, sun poking through the clouds, Rickie singing sweetly in my ears, I just know God is right there with me enjoying the time together. He likes the view from up there too.