Why Do I Do This?

That's it. That's the question. Why do I do any of it? Why do I walk? Why do I write this blog? Why do I even bother to get out of bed? These are the age old questions that inquiring minds like to ponder. As I was walking I actually gave considerable time and energy to answering those questions...and you being a person who likes to read the "Star" or the "Enquirer" would probably like an answer...no...you deserve an answer!

1. Why do I get out of bed? Well I wish I could say it was because I am so dedicated to life and living that I burst out of bed ready to throw my hat in the air (Mary Tyler Moore reference) and take on the world. But in reality, I gotta pee, my back is sore from laying in bed, and I'm tossing around feeling guilty for still being in bed. Once I'm up, I'm up. There is no going back to bed for me. So I have one of a couple options. I can sit on the couch, grab my laptop, and tune in to the daily soap called Facebook to see what everyone else is doing (usually some kind of exercise). Or I can go walking.

2. Why do I walk? See number 1. Well that and I need to get some exercise. I mean come on...I have got to do something. I mean my ideal weight is right around 600 pounds. That is where I would probably feel most content and happy. I mean when your that heavy, no one expects you to try and look slim. All the pretenses are over. But when your in the 200's, you are stuck between really being a super weight and being a fashion icon. Your too heavy to actually wear J. Crew, and yet to thin to actually go to the Big and Tall store. And the difficult part is...especially if you are big boned like I am...in order to really be slim...it takes sooooooo muuuuuch work. So we are relegated to wearing our shirts un-tucked and of course we always wear vertical stripes. So I walk to keep myself right in limbo land. Some will look at me and say "wow, I wish I could look like that." But most of you only look upon me with pity..."too bad he's so fat." To which I say..."I'm 350 pounds under my ideal weight...isn't that enough?"

3. Why do I write? You know, it occurred to me a while back that I really wanted to be a writer. Not so I could reveal any startling truths to the world. More so I could be on Oprah. But seriously, I have read hundreds of books and struggled to adjust my thinking to line up with a person I did not know, writing in a style I was not really familiar with. I had this sense that for me to gain the wisdom and insight I needed to gain, I really had to become someone else. It was as if no one was writing who was like me. Now there were some people who came close, and some great books that really spoke to my heart, but still...I had to reach to connect.

Then came the book "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. He is from Texas, he's younger than me, and there are thousands of ways he is not like me. But in his writing I saw myself. It was a voice I recognized. So I read all of his books and I realized I too could have a voice. Through Donald I found Anne Lamott and others that wrote in a voice and a language I could understand. It was then I set about to write down what it was going on in my head. Now the writer in me was coming to life. I found myself getting more and more introspective and probing the depths of why and how. I was turning pages in my life that had never really been opened. And as I wrote I felt Him right there...asking me questions..probing into my life...talking to me and telling me great things. So I try to capture those things that he speaks to me about, and write them down. And I do so in my voice...not anyone else...not even Donald's. Because maybe, you are struggling to find your voice and maybe you can connect with me...or NOT!

So now you know, that's my story and I'm sticking with it. I don't think I'm a great writer or a great walker, or quite frankly a good listener. But I am learning to quiet myself and as I write I feel very close to Him. So for me, it's all worship. You see I don't know any other reason as to why I am even alive other than to walk with Him and to somehow reflect some of him in my life. So there may be lots of reasons why we get out of bed...but the best is to spend time with Him.