We Are Almost There

Okay, I adm it. I have not walked in a long time...but thats about to change. We are on our way to Yosemite and lots of hikes...even in the snow. I'll keep you posted.

And Now For Something Completely Different

So today is Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for...and I am. But this morning I wasn't too sure. I was waiting around waiting for Tracey to wake up and thought I might invite her for a walk. She was pretty negative at first...it was pre coffee. But by the end of her cup of Joe she decides she wants to go. "Okay then...lets get ready to go" I says. "Okay...just a minute" she says.

First she checks the weather to see what the temp is outside...it was 30. Then she has to get her walking attire just right...a couple of outfit changes and she's finally ready to go...15 minutes later...I'm starting to have my doubts about this.

But she is finally ready to go and we head out into the cold. So we head down the street and the very first thing she does is try to hold my hand. Now trust me...I love holding my wifes hand...always have always will...but not when we're walking walking. So I have to tell her no...I'm having serious doubts about this now. But we keep walking...and she is talking. Now trust me...I love to hear my wife talk. She has kept us in many conversations over the years when I'm ready to pack it in and head for the cave. But while I'm walking walking?

Walking for me is a very solitary endeavor. It is about quieting my mind and heart and listening for God. But this woman...doesn't know quiet...she likes to be together and when together talk. I am really having extremely serious doubts about this joint venture.

As we approach the hill she says "you would probably have preferred to walk by yourself...right?" I thought for just a second and said "no...I wanted to walk with you." That was the right answer. It has been the right answer for almost 32 years. You see, I know me. I know what I am like...and frankly...left to my own devices I would be a wreck...a shipwreck. But Tracey has been the steady presence in my life...not the quiet presence...but steady.

God has used her over and over again in my life to cause me to grow...to come out of the cave and enjoy the sunshine. Like God, I know she will always love me...despite the who I am. So I am thankful for many things this day...but I am most thankful for the wife God gave me in my youth.

Drift..........

What is it about me...well about most people...as Seinfeld would say "What's the deal with people..." It seems as soon as we find something really worthwhile in our lives...we seem to end up drifting away from it. It seems we are a whole world full of ADD people who can't stay focused on anything for longer than 13 minutes.
Let me give you some examples.
Walking- I love to walk in the morning. I am awake anyway...so just get up and walk. I love it when it is nasty weather cause I get to break out all my gear from years of being in foul weather while backpacking and climbing...its as much fun as walking. I love walking cause I get to listen to music, connect with God, and get some much needed excercise. Who wouldn't want to do that? Well many days...I don't.
Relationships- why is it the people you feel most close to, we end up taking them for granted. I think about how easy it is to slowly drift into complacency in our most vital relationships. That is so easy for us to do that. Even with the most famous and powerful person who ever walked the face of the Earth, Jesus Christ, people drift away from him all the time...I hate that.
Eating Right- trust me...this is one I know intimately...I do really well for so long and then I find myself eating bigger portions and the wrong stuff. I mean I have never met a pile of potatoes I didn't like. Really, you know what your doing is wrong and will only hurt you...but please can I have a second helping of those spuds please.
It really bugs when I find myself drifting...I seem to set goals just so I can drift away from them. A slow self destruction.
But this morning...I walked hard. I mean fast and consistent and launched my self up the hills...it was great. I was determined to not drift again. I am determined to follow the rules for eating right. I am determined to have a great day with Jesus and Tracey...and everyone else I encounter today...God help me...



"Hey are you going to eat those potatoes?"

The Morning Was...Damp

This morning it was cold dark and damp. You know one of those mornings like you might see in a werewolf movie out on the Moors in England...you know in black and white. It's the kind of morning that if you stop to take a picture you will get really chilled. So I just kept walking.

I tried to look for positive and hopeful things this morning, but I have to admit...it was hard. I realized I am sad. I am...try to deny it...but I am. I should have known when I picked my music for the walk...it was Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. I saw these guys perform when we were in Ireland...they were in that movie "Once." The music is...well...sad. So why am I sad? I mean really...shouldn't I be the happiest person on Earth. I have a great wife, a great family, super great grand kids, a great job, a great house and yard, a great shop, great cars, great friends...my life is great. And yet I'm sad. Like the fog enveloping me as I walked I am enveloped in sadness. As I walked I asked God for forgiveness for being sad...I mean doesn't this mean I'm not trusting him? Isn't this a lack of faith? Shouldn't I rejoice in all circumstances? I heard an answer...I mean it wasn't an out loud answer...but an answer.

God told me this morning that my sadness is normal, and completly human. It is much the way Jesus felt when his heart was broken by those who should have known him and yet didn't. He felt a form of sadness...and I do too. I'm sad because of all the pain that people are experiencing these days. So many good godly people who trust God are loosing jobs and really struggling. If people have not lost jobs they are living with the prospect that it could happen any day. It's really bad. It makes me sad.

I am not a man without hope...but it is really hard right now. I just gotta keep walking!

It's Just A Block Or So...

So you know your getting old when...

Well last night Tracey and I were going to a surprise party for one of our friends...we'll call her Amy...cause thats her name. So our other friend...we'll call her Heather...cuz....well you know...tells us to park at her house and we'll walk over to Amy's house so our cars won't be visable. Great idea...except we don't know where either of them live. So Heather is this really spunky outdoorsy girl who has more energy than a nuclear power plant, but we agree to go.

Now mind you, I'm going to a party. I've got my dress up big boy shoes on, and my dressy party shirt with the sleeves rolled up for a little extra cool, and my slightly tightly jeans...oh I'm stylin. So of we set into the brisk November night, walking at an even brisker pace. Now it is a really beautiful night, full moon, clear and bright, you know those perfect fall nights, great night for a stroll. That's what I thought...for the first couple of blocks.

After a half a mile of brisk pace in the party clothes...I'm starting to feel a little...well...tired. My feet are sore and my pants are clingy...but Tracey seems to be doing fine, and Heather is just bolting ahead. We keep moving...I do have a shread of dignity left. We get to where I think Amy's house is and we just keep moving. We finally arrive at the house...oh yeah...it's like a mile. My feet are swollen inside my shoes, legs are tight, I'm cold, and not really in the mood for a party. But we pull off the surprise and Amy is stoked...it was really cool.

After lots of laughs and stories, Heater the Dynamo says..."Gotta Go" and off she goes...IN HER FRIENDS CAR!!! We hang out a bit and then decide we should go too. All of these young people...obviously concerned about us old people...offer to graciously drive us back to the car. And then...just then...the battle that middle aged people everywhere have to face...are you really "as young as you feel". I...the I inside me...still feels like I'm 18. But my feet and my legs were feeling more like 53. But off we set on the return walk...like a couple of young kids...we even held hands.

Cold, tired, needing to pee, feet throbbing, we arrive back at our car. We make it home and plop down on the couch. It gets you thinking you know. When did we get middle-aged. Wasn't it just yesterday we were 27. Where did that time go? How did we get here? 53 years old and walking two miles in big boy party shoes. What's next...Bermuda's and black socks...and those damned party shoes.

Okay, Let's Get On With It

Well it is amazing to me to turn on the TV and notice the stark absence of those nasty political ads. Now for once those antacid ads and the couple sitting in the seperate tubs on the beach seem almost refreshing...I actually get a little misty watching them.

But it seems life in the church is a little less back to normal. Many of my friends are plotting how to rush out and buy a supply of guns, storing up food, and bracing themselves for the complete unraveling of America. Not to mention what will happen to our churches as a result of the "godless democrats" who are now at the reins of this sinking ship called America.

The whole thing got me thinking about life in the early church and how they might have responded to all of this. I'm sure the Zionists would have been gathering up their arms (swords, spears, etc) and preparing for the worst. The Greeks would be philosophizing about the dangers and unfounded and irrational fears that people would be experiencing. You know...it sounds like they may have responded like we would.

So imagine their pastor...realizing all of his flock is freaking out ...thinking how am I going to rien in all of these extremists. So he drafts a letter and says something like this. "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king."

Why doesn't he try to feed the rebellion or get them rallied around the cause to stand against the regime? Instead he tells us to relax and do good. Don't get so uptight. We all know our real citizenship is not in this world...so why get so upset. It seems that back when Peter was the pastor, his people acted as if the government was in control of their future...how silly.

You know, it's good advice for us as well. Even if it were true that President elect Barak Obama was a Muslim terrorist loving baby killing gun stealing anti christ America hater, he is now our President. He is our countries equivalent of a king. Peter says you better honor him. So that would include not making snide and rude comments about the man or his family. That means we can't tell our friends that he is something that he is not. Slander, libel, defamation of character, all would get you killed in Peter's day. Today...it causes death as well...but it is more a death to intimacy with God, connection with other Christ-followers, and an ability to reach out to all of those who think differently than we do.

Peter the pastor also wrote this, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."

Come on folks, lets be reasonable. God is still in control...He knows what He's doing. Let's just keep focussed on what we need to do and let God be God.

Who'd Of Ever Thunk...

Wow, what an amazing thing we have witnessed. I mean really...think about where we have come from. No really, I don't care what your political views are, this is really significant. I remember hearing about JFK having to defend the fact that he was a Catholic and overcoming that stigma to become President.
I am just old enough to have spent much of my youth watching the struggle of people of African descent trying to gain the freedoms promised to them under the Constitution. I watched on the news as men and women were beaten on the bridge. I was stunned to see those tragic images of MLK being assassinated. I have had many friends express to me the struggles of being a black man in America. Overwhelmingly, they shared the difficulty of knowing what America stands for, the ideals and principles, and yet the harsh reality of knowing much of that was not available for them. I have no frame of reference for understanding completely what they sense and know as reality in America (other than being the lone Dem in an all Rep office :)).
So for me, to see the faces of black men and women weeping in joy just got me...I mean tore me right up. Mothers and fathers, who had told their kids that in America you could be anything you want, were right. I can't help but feel so proud of being an American.
Now don't get me wrong, I am also old enough to know that making great speeches and making lots of promises is the easy part. Doing something is the hard part. Maybe I am naive, maybe foolish, maybe just stupid...but my hope in America is renewed. My hope that we can change is restored. Maybe President Obama will be a total bust...I hope not. But maybe...just maybe...we can be better...if I don't believe that...

A Cluttered Landscape

It is almost over. One of the greatest environmental hazzard known to man will be over tomorrow. That's right...the political signs. Thank you Jesus...it's almost over.
This morning as I was walking, I wondered just how effective is the sign in front of our houses. Does it create more exposure for the candidates (like these people need more of that)? Or....is it really intended to make each person take a stand on who they are choosing. Do I need to take a stand on which candidate I am choosing? Will my neighbors say "Oh look...Bill is voting for Barak McCain...maybe I'll change my vote and vote for him too." I just don't see it happening. Most people have decided in the quiet of their home who they are going to vote for, and despite eight billion negative ads, 40 debates, and countless speeches, most people's mind are already made up...even undecided's know...they just don't want to say.
To me, it is even more weird how people change when you begin to discuss politics. I spend most of my time speaking with other followers of Jesus. It is amazing to me how loving and compassionate we can be to those who are far from God, unless their politics differ from ours. I have seen kind loving people who really want to honor God, turn into foaming at the mouth rabid attack Badgers, ready to tear you up and spit you out if they find out who your voting for. I don't get it...is it that important? Is it worth causing all those hard feelings and divisions in the Church? Do you think it really matters who is in the White House? The best government in the world (which I believe we have) still can't save one person for all of eternity. Have we cluttered the lines between our will and wishes and the fact that no matter who is in office, God will reign supreme. And even if the new President leads our nation into the very gates of hell, my life is still secure in the arms of my Father. It is amazing how trials and tribulations have produced amazing men and women of God throughout the world and throughout the ages. A really bad president chould ignite the Church into action...too bad that has to be the case.
Please people...don't let the signs on our lawns clutter up our perspective as well as our landscapes. The race for president will be over tomorrow...but the RACE...the real one...will continue.

Into Darkness

This morning as I was walking I was a little freaked out. It was really dark...I mean black dark. This Sunday the time will be set forward and it won't be quite as dark when I walk...but this morning...I was a little freaked. I was thinking about that Springsteen song "Darkness on the Edge of Town."
Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm walking through the wilds and all of the nocturnal killing animals are lurking in wait for me. I mean I am walking on lighted streets through my neighborhood.
But there is that one section. It is where the lighted streets end and the new neighborhood is not quite done. There are light poles...but no light. It was a really a really weird moment...I was...scared for just a moment. I was surprised that I was scared...it must be because I am 53 now...when I was young I wouldn't have hesitated one second. But today...for just that moment...I was afraid of the dark. It troubled me...am I getting soft...er.
On the rest of the walk, I kept mulling this over in my mind...you know...meditating about this. In my hu-MAN-ity, I think I should not be afraid of the darkness. It calls into question my manhoodness. I don't like it. I can over come anything.
But in my spirit...I think I should be afraid of the darkness. Maybe what we call fear is actually the Spirit's voice saying "don't go in there." It's like when you go to a scary movie and someone invariably shouts out "don't go in there fool." Darkness always represents danger throughout the Scriptures...it is danger...and ultimately death. The Spirit says stop, slow down, danger is approaching...and yet I rarely even pause. I go blasting into the darkness....and then I realize...I forgot to bring the Light with me. Now thankfully...the Light always goes with me. But in those moments when the Spirit is speaking...do I listen...or do I trust my instincts?
A healthy fear of the dark would do us all some good.

The Steep and Narrow Path

Well, it's Monday and I didn't walk today...but for a legitimate reason. Tracey and I drove to Seaside OR yesterday after church (about a 2 hour drive) to visit some of our most dear friends in the whole world who were in for a little RandR. Their names are Mo and Kranky (obviously their real names). Now we hadn't been together for a while so we spent most of our time just catching up on our lives and families and stuff. Just a wonderful time together.
And then Tracey brought up politics...
Well it was clear we were on different pages at this point in the game, but it was a very civil debate and quite informative. What we came away with was that no matter what we may like or dislike about our respective candidates, we both agreed that this was A) the most exciting presidential race in a long time, and B) that both of these men were men of integrity, and C) that both of these men were very inspiring.
Well we had a great time together, and we stayed the night, got up real early and headed home for work (thus the no walking). But on the way home, I was captivated by this idea of lives of inspiration. Who are the people that really inspire me? Well I can tell you that two of them are Mo and Kranky. Both of these guys are cancer survivors who have had to deal with very difficult and trying circumstances in their lives. When I think of people enduring hardships I can't help but think of them. When I think of my life and the "suffering" I have had to endure, it seems so trivial and minute.
You know, there are lots of people out walking around today who are not recognized by us as heroes. Some people may seem to be ordinary old people who are pretty "normal." But they have inspirational stories of courage and bravery to rival any that we may hear about in presidential ads. Enduring difficulties makes us stronger. Just like Mo and Kranky. You guys inspire me.

Walk Humbly My Friend

I went for a walk last night last night with three of my friends (who will remain nameless to protect their identities). It was one of those really nice nights where four friends walk and talk and have just a great time together. It would have been a fine evening had we left it just at that. But no...we had to mess it all up by trying to play golf while we were walking. 

Golf is the most humbling of games. I started the game with a bogey (one over par). Now for a real golfer they might be a bit bummed. But I hadn't played golf all year (except for St Andrews in Scotland...see my other blog about that) and so starting with a bogey was a good sign. I followed that up with a par. A PAR? How did that happen? Not only did I get a par, but it was a well played controlled par. Like I actually intended to do it. It was as if I was in total control of my game and my clubs. I was on a roll.

Now....right now...is the danger zone. Once you hit the place where you think you are in control...when all is going well...the wheels fall off the bus. It is amazing what goes on in your head when you are playing golf the way it is supposed to be played. Now suddenly, your pleasant walk turns into a competition. You start to think you know what the other guys should be doing to improve their struggling game. They start trying to play better and the joking turns to jabbing. And all the while you are trying to pretend as if you are just as surprised as they are that you are just a notch below Tiger. 

But something happens in your body. Your body knows that you are just a notch above a tree sloth and this is an absolute fluke. Your body begins to revolt and tense up under the pressure of not wanting to look like a fool to your friends. But we all know...its about to unravel. 

And there it goes...the drive sails into the trees. The 3 iron bounces off of a tree and goes behind another tree behind you. You grab a 7 iron to punch it delicately out into the fairway. In your attempt at being delicate you hit the ground three inches behind the ball and the divot goes farther than the ball. Now you need a miraculous 5 wood shot to hit the green and roll in for a par. And when you actually strike the ball you know it has a chance...but only if the lake hadn't been right where the green should have been. The tension is so strong in your neck now that even selecting the pitching wedge out of the bag is painful. Another couple of muffed shots and your on the green putting to salvage a 9 (don't want to go to double digits). You finish the hole, pick up your bag, and walk in shame to the next hole. 

The great consolation in that walk of shame is that now all your friends welcome you back. They're actually glad to see you. They knew that their friend had been away on a journey but now he had returned. All is right with the world again...order has been returned to the universe. All of us are back in our normal place in the world.

And then....I hit a crushing drive right down the middle....you know where this is going.

Epilogue:

One of my friends who was on the walk with me shot par on every hole. I was amazed at how consistent he really was. No matter how many strokes he took he always came back with a par. I asked him how that worked and he just said to me "it's really easy, all you have to do is determine what the par is for every hole and then it is easy to shoot par." 

Hmmm...why hadn't I thought of that?

A Walk Back in Time

Have you ever been listening to music and all of the sudden you are transported back in time? Some music takes you to those times and places that are so key in your life. Well this morning I went on a little walk back through my life. The vehicle...Loggins and Messina.

Okay lets get this straight first and foremost. L&M are one of the most underrated bands to come out of the 70's. They had the folky thing happening with Kenny Loggins and all of his really memorable ballads. You had the early country rock vibe from Jimmy Messina's time spent in the band Poco. They had the Jam Band thing down way back then with a band of supporting musicians that can span super country to island funk...it really was a remarkable band. 

So I'm listening to their classic live album "On Stage". Now I gotta tell you, this album came out in 1974. By the time Tracey Fenstermaker came into my life, I had that album memorized. It was already ingrained in my life and my mind as the soundtrack to

 the life and love I wanted for my life. So when I met Tracey and found out that she was a huge L&M fan (she'd actually been fortunate enough to see them in concert), well it was as if we were meant to be together. Sometimes it is those little things that make you know you are on the right path.

So this morning I hear the first song..."House at Pooh Corner." Immediately I am transported back to those days before kids and experiencing the growing baby inside my young wife's belly. I remember so well the anticipation and the fear of actually being responsible for another person's life. But that song just made me anticipate the good that was to come. Having the "Little Princess" in our lives changed us both for the better. 

"Danny's Song" was next...it reminds me of waiting for our little boy to come into our lives. Having a beautiful little girl made us so much more  eager for that boy. Even today we wait in eager anticipation for him...it is to call us or email us or just anything to let us know he's alive. But he has been worth the wait.

"You Could Break My Heart" reminds me of those days when we were trying to figure each other out. There were days when it was almost unbearable; those differences and hurts, the difficulties of being so young and so poor. But those days were filled with such bliss as well. Growing up together, discovering life together, deciding to stay together.  

It brings me right to the next song..."Lady of My Heart."  Such assurance that while we were not perfect, we could live together in a loving relationship for the rest of our lives.

"Long Tail Cat" reminds me of our two kids growing up and using the Biblical model of "Iron sharpening Iron" to sort out and define who they were to be. They still know how to push each other's buttons.

Well hey, I could go through the whole album. But you see that music is a placeholder in our lives. It reminds us of where we have come from and the joys and pains of growing up. It also reminds us that no matter how difficult our lives can be, there is so much joy to be had by staying on the path...to keep those relationships fresh and alive. In 30 years I intend to be able to walk and listen to this music, and all the new stuff I gain along the way, and remember back to those wonderful days when we joined our lives together. "People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one" and they are dead right.

The Check List for a Great Walk

So I'm thinking this morning, what are the things necessary to make the morning walk really memorable. 

1. A really good pair of shoes makes your feet feel so good. CHECK
2. A really good iPod (or iPhone in my case) to get your groove on. CHECK
3. A really good set of music on the iPod (Jason Mraz this morning...so good). CHECK
4. A beautiful crisp morning, when your face feels really cold...perfect. CHECK
5. A flock of ducks and geese flying over head reminding you of far off places. CHECK
6. Another beautiful moon sinking into the Pacific Ocean. CHECK
7. A great hill to get your heart pumping. CHECK
8. Another blazing sun rising from the east. CHECK
9. An encounter with an Ostrich...WHAT THE....AN OSTRICH?

So I know I'm getting old and my eyes are really starting to tank. But as I am walking along the hill I see something out in the distance. My first thought was it was an ostrich. But you know how you do it, you automatically assume you are wrong. So I started thinking it must be a deer...uh...walking on two legs. So then I thought, it was a guy carrying a big bundle of wheat and burlap sacks coming down from the hills to sell his wheat (kids don't eat paint chips). I thought it could be the biggest thanksgiving turkey I have ever seen.

But as I rounded the corner and headed in the same general direction this thing was going, I could not deny the obvious...IT'S A FLIPPING OSTRICH...NO ONE WILL BELIEVE ME. 

So I'm thinking...where in the who haw did this come from? What is it doing here out in this field and what is that animal accompanying him (or her). Oh, it's a cat.

But as I am contemplating this strange non drug induced apparition, trying to get my iPhone up there to snap it's picture, it starts moving towards me. Slowly at first...but now a little faster. Hey, I have encountered bears and mountain lions and badgers in the wilds...but a flippin ostrich? I booked it...those things can run way faster than me. 

You know, it is always amazing to me how many times God takes the routine and absolutely invade it. But an Ostrich? You are amazing God.

Oh My Goodness

Sooooo...it's been two weeks has it? Well sometimes I get a little distracted. What started as an upset stomach turned into a sore foot, then it was a late night and the next thing you know it turns into two weeks.

Now normally, if I had missed two weeks I would just do what a normal person would do...you know try to make it two years. But I am trying to break those old habits and so this morning I got up early, found my clothes, iPod, and shoes, and hit the streets. 

Now I am not suggesting that God always rewards us when we are obedient...I mean sometimes just the simple act of being obedient is reward enough. But this morning, I have to believe that God said to me "wanna see what you have been missing?" I mean...really...it was awesome. 

I come around the corner, I got the new Jakob Dylan album on the Pod, and I see the moon in all of it's fullness sinking over the hills behind my house. It's one of those big harvest moons, so full and bright, reflecting the Son's glory. I walked even faster up the hill so I could see it sink. Thanks so much God.

So as if that wasn't enough, as I turned east, I could see the skyline turning red. I see a massive V of geese heading north and then POW!!! BOOM!!! Out of the eastern horizon a giant red ball explodes into the day. 

Wow God...you do that so well.

Well I gotta tell you...guilt never works as well as reward.

Yes But It Is A Monday

It's Monday. The alarm on my iPhone still goes off in anticipation that I am going to leap out of bed and head out walking. But today is a holiday. It is a day to honor all of those who work hard among us by giving them a day off. They call it Labor Day. My guess is that some accountant decided that it would be cheaper just give these people a day off than it would be to give them a raise. But none the less...it is a holiday.

It has become a really important time of the year. School begins and summer ends. Churches ramp up their ministries. Politicians attack the other political party...oh wait that happens all the time. But it is a transition time for many people. 

It is also an important transition time for me as well. Laying in bed I was wondering what to do. Do I honor the holiday or do I get up and walk? Do I continue my new regiment of walking and writing?  Do I tell God that I will not be joining him this morning?

Well when you put it like that, what else could I do?

The decisions that we make tend to cast long shadows. When you look back you realize you are a reflection of those decisions.

A Short Sunday Walk

Sundays are not a day of rest for me. Oh I still have to get up at the same time, but I am busy trying to make my hair look fuller, my butt smaller, and my belly I mitigate with vertical stripes. And I do it all so I can look like I am "real" at church...you know just a laid back casual sort of guy. It is a lot of work being casual, trust me.

So today was kind of special cause it was the first time I was at our church in ten weeks. Thats a long time to be away. So I was nervous and excited all at the same time. You know, you kind of want people to notice your back and tell you they missed you...but fearful they will say "oh, you were gone?" That sucks. But I was genuinely excited to see many people I love and really like to hang with. 

So I got ready to go, and for the first time in weeks I slid on my big boy shoes (they actually make your feet look slimmer). My feet have been in Croc flip flops for ten weeks. The confinement of big boy shoes was almost unbearable. But for a pastor it would have been undignified and somehow unholy to wear flips on a Sunday morning. So, big boys it was.

But on the way to the garage to fire up the Bug and drive the short distance to church, I felt that little tap on the shoulder...I know that tap...it's like a dog who thinks they are going for a walk...it is a tap that you can't ignore. Sure enough, it was God. He was all wiggly and jumpy trying to get me to walk with him to church.

"What, in my big boy shoes?" I says to him. 

"It'll help you break them in" he says to me.

 "Or break me" I says under my breath so he can't hear me. "Come on, it's just a short walk." 

Of course I went with him. He gets so excited to get outside and show off all he has created. "It's a little cold out here" I says to him. 

"Yeah, see how I'm changing the seasons. I like to sneak it in on people by making it cold in the early morning and then warm in the afternoon. But cause you came outside with me I thought I'd give you a little preview of the changing season" he says. 

"I'd rather have a jacket" I says under my breath.

"You know I can hear all of those comments don't you?" he reminds me.

He's right you know. He's always right. He knew just what I needed. A little alone time with him made me feel so much more relaxed and less anxious. It was a beautiful morning. I got to church and there were people there who missed me, and some that didn't know I was gone. 

Life is good. 

 

Two Short Walks

It's Friday...yahoo...sort of. Fridays are my day off and so normally I have the whole day to do whatever needs to be done and then do whatever I want to do. But this Friday there is a big event at our house so I have much to do. So today I took a short walk...just about a mile or so. 

I punched in America on the iPod and thought this will be good walking music...you know those good old classics. Have you ever listened to America? I mean really listened. Their songs are so stupid...I mean really..."Muskrat Love"...what in the H E Double Hockey Sticks is that song about? Must be the stupidest song ever written. But I heard "Lonely People" and that was a little better.

Then I heard "Horse With No Name", one of my all time favorite songs. Okay the lyrics aren't all that great...but it evokes such vivid pictures in my mind...not to mention some great memories. But this morning it made me think about the short walk I made yesterday. 

Thursdays are hard days for me to get a walk in, let alone write. I get up early to meet with some of my buddies for breakfast and an opportunity to confess our vilest sins to another human being. But mostly we just talk about stuff...you know politics, marriage, kids, jobs...you know stuff. When women are not present, we actually talk and actually emote feelings...but hey thats another story.

So in the evening yesterday Tracey and I head for Portland, get some dinner, and park our car near the hospital. We take a short walk into the hospital and find the room of a good friend of mine who is having to be in said hospital. Let's just call him Bob....cause....thats his name. Bob is one of the toughest guys I know. He is a cowboy...like a for real from Texas kind of cowboy. I don't mean a John Travolta kind of cowboy, I mean a cowboy. He was a horse shoer for a long time and now he works in the steel mill...he is tough. So having to see Bob in a hospital is like going to one of those cheesy circuses and finding a proud lion caged up in a tiny little cage. 

But we keep walking until we get to his room. Apparently they just brought him back from surgery so they were trying to get him all settled back in his room. So I expect to see this guy all groggy and goofy looking and all. No way...he looks like he just came back from a massage. He has just had his chest cut open to put some stints in and a battery jumper to keep his heart regulated, and yet he looks better than I did. He is a tough guy. He basically had a heart attack and didn't even know it...that's tough.

So after visiting a while and getting all the scoop, I'm holding his real man hand and praying for him, and I am realizing how vulnerable all of us really are. Here is the toughest guy I know having to be poked and probed, wires hanging off of him and out of him, sitting in a hospital bed in a nightgown with no back, and having to completely surrender to the doctors so they can do what is critical to keep Bob's heart beating. How fragile and tender we are when it is our life on the line. As tough as Bob is, he crumbles like a little girl when he thinks about his new grandson, or seeing his precious daughter, his beloved wife, and even his little weenie dog (what kind of cowboy dog is that?). Life is short, and though Bob will spend eternity with God, the thought of not seeing his family grow is too much. It makes a tough guy change his ways. It makes them succumb to backless nighties and jumper cables on their hearts.

Bob's been through a desert on a horse with no name...but now he is finding an open prairie with green grass and buffalo and elk a plenty, a great rifle, a pot of cowboy coffee, and his little weenie dog riding in the saddle bag. Yehaw!!!!! Cowboy Up Bob!

Two Roads Diverged

So this morning I am up and at em and ready to head out for my walk. I was so excited to see what it was that God was going to show me so I could write about it and share my brilliant observations with you...sort of enlighten you a wee bit (see I really am a dope). So I load up with Toad The Wet Sprocket's great classic album "Coil"...you know get some of that good Santa Barbara vibe going...and head out the door.
I am no more out the door when a huge flying V of Canadian honkers come screaming over my head at mach speed making a ton of noise. I immediately said to God "is this it Lord? You want me to write about this?" I could hear him chuckle and even snort just a bit...I swear I heard Him say "chill out just a little dude...if I gave you something now, you'd just go right back inside. Walk a bit...you'll see." Doh!!! I'm such a dolt...especially cause He was right.
So I keep walking. I make the usual loop and head up the hill. The hill has become kind of a symbol for me. I now glide up it pretty effortlessly, but that wasn't always so. I used to try and find ways around it...you know so I wouldn't get too out of breath. But now, it's a cinch.
But today I get to the top and I notice that the road that continues on...past the houses...out of the bounderies of my neighborhood...it seems intriguing...I pause to contemplate...to decide whether to go out of bounds or to stay where it is familiar and safe. I notice that the low clouds that can roll in from over the Coast Range are beginning to bring with it some showers...light rain...but rain none the less. In that moment, I go left. I stay on the path that I know. Wouldn't want to get my shoes dirty...slip aroung in the mud and all. I took the one most traveled by.
So as I am walking along the edge of the wild if you will, I start to hear a little whisper...a faint little voice beckoning me to the wild places...I think about the movie "Into the Wild" and all the experiences the guy goes through...all the lessons he learns. I think about how wild my own life used to be. I think about spending a month backpacking through the back country of Yosemite by myself and all I learned about myself and about who God really is. And then I thought about my decision to go left...to play it safe. What was I really worried about? Was it the time commitment? My schedule? Getting breakfast?
I felt God tugging at my heart to break out and do something that requires great faith and trust. To not just play it safe...try something new.
And then...just as I am rounding the bend and heading towards the home stretch...there in the sky...a reminder that God has always had a plan...he has always had a promise. If you will trust me and go into the wild with me...I will be with you and protect you. There before me was a full arching rainbow spanning from the wild placed I did not go and seemingly resting on my home.
God's voice was a little bit louder when I heard Him say "dude, I am with you where it is safe, but it is way more fun out in the wild places. Which road do you want to walk on?"

A Special Day

This morning it was a little harder to get up. It is the struggle that most people face when they are trying to do anything on a consistent basis. But when Tracey got up before me and headed to the showers....well now the whole world was out of order. She left me no choice but to drag myself out of bed and hit the road. 

This morning I was listening to The Ventures. That's right. The Ventures were a Pacific Northwest band that helped create the soundtrack for my early life. There music was surf movies and car races, scenes from"American Grafiti" and "The Fonz." But it reminded me of my youth and the uncomplicated and simple life I had as a young boy. Listening to The Ventures was a nostalgic trip down the streets of my life.

As I walked through my present neighborhood I realized how complicated we make our lives today. I walked past rows and rows of for sale signs...Price Reduced...New Price...Must Sell...I'm Gorgeous On The Inside...all of which screamed of the desperate state peoples personal lives are in (and our country for that matter). They built these beautiful dream homes up on the hill and with the downturn in the economy, these dreams have become nightmares that they need to escape from. It's too bad really.

But then I saw the sunrise...unbelievable...so different from yesterdays...and yet it came again...just like it has for thousands of years. Despite our own personal difficulties, the sun continues to rise every morning. Even in cloudy weather the sun still rises.

And all of that got me thinking about Tracey. Today is her birthday. She is a reminder to me of the simple days of our youth. We were two impetuous kids who fell deeply in lust with one another and allowed our desire for one another to cloud our better judgement and get married. We literally lived on love in those days. Tracey was the most uncomplicated girl I had ever met. And somehow we would get through every conceivable trial in our lives and come out ahead. She helped me to have confidence as she encouraged me and pushed me to do better without ever putting me down or making me feel small. And just like the sunrise, she has been as constant and steady as God himself. Every morning she is there next to me, has been now for 32 years. 

I'm not sure about a lot of things in this world. I don't know who is best to be president, not sure who can fix the energy crisis or the housing crisis. But one thing I know for sure, God totally rocked my world for the better when I met Tracey Lee Fenstermaker that first fateful night on the tennis courts at Cal Poly SLO. She has been a great friend, a wonderful companion, a great example of God's love and consistency. She is a remarkable woman...just don't wake her up in the morning...unless the morning begins at 9.

Happy Birthday my Love.

What in the Who-Haw?

My iphone was sitting next to my bed beeping at me incessantly. I reached over and wondered what in the who haw was it ringing for. It wasn’t an early morning phone call, but an actual alarm. For ten weeks now that alarm has not rang once, but today it began ringing again (see my sabbatical journal). Without thinking I did what I usually do when it won’t go off…I got up. It has become kind of a sacred ritual to get up, find something to wear, pull my shoes on, grab my headphones and the incessant beeping machine and head off walking.

I know, a truly spiritual person would have kneeled down and prayed for an hour and meditated on the Bible. I so appreciate hearing about that from really spiritual people. It always makes me feel so good to know that they are out there doing that…and frankly making everyone else feel badly for not doing it themselves. But that’s not really how I relate to God…don’t get me wrong, I read my Bible (well mostly my online Bible) and I pray. But the times I fell really close to God are when I am listening to music and trudging up and down the hills around my neighborhood.

My friend Gary Thomas wrote a book called “Sacred Pathways” describing the many different ways one relates to God. Mine has always been in nature. I often feel so confined in my thinking about God when I’m in a building trying to worship and connect with God. But just step outside and baaboom! There He is.

This morning I was listening to “Sermon on Exposition Blvd” by Rickie Lee Jones. It’s a really great story of one person’s quest to find God in their own unique way. It has been my story all these years. Feeling as if I am never quite right, a little left of center, an odd duck if you will.

And yet, when I walk and see all that is ahead of me and all that is behind me. I stop and look off into the far horizons, catching a glimpse of Mt Hood, sun poking through the clouds, Rickie singing sweetly in my ears, I just know God is right there with me enjoying the time together. He likes the view from up there too.